Time Traveler In Retirement Pillows

"Enjoy your retirement. I'm sure you will survive all of us. Hahaha, just kidding!"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"Meet the scribe"

Historical memory is on life support.

'That's about it so far, Son.'

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

"We're following Carrot Top."

Second hand furniture.

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'Whoops! I think you've arrived a little too early for school today, Dad!'

"About how if the dark ages never happened we'd be so much more technologically advanced by now."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

Sundial Time

'I'd say it's six of one and one half doxen of the other.'

Time for vacation, time for work.

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

"Early model of baggage claim"

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

Danger Slow Sand.

"I'm going to prove that Math comes in handy later in life."

"I did my report on time travel, but my dog ate my homework in the future."

'This new game isn't working out -- the ball keeps running away.'

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"I don't know who you are!"

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."