Time-on-hands Humorist Mugs

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Glance Exchange

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"The Eggsorcist"

A DIY disaster.

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"How about a hand."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"It's just a tree."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

"I cross the road to forget."

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

'The Lemming Book Store'

'You can't come in here with that.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

Spiro & Pusho illusionists