Tiger Tale Teller Pillows

'Day 57. The tigers appear to be adjusting to my presence.'

"Yes I know Dear. Tiger Woods is playing here today!"

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

"It get it – you're hungry."

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

"Listen, pal, I’m not seeing a ‘giant squirrel eating a rib-eye steak.’"

Horror Stories.

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

Early accounting scandals.

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

'It was this big. I swear'

Good boy

"I'm not kidding: I am feline too and I do love swimming!"

"I'm the ghost of woodshop past."

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

'Do you honestly expect me to believe that fairy tale?

'I swapped shirts with Peter Crouch.'

"Mine, I believe, is the Green Jacket."

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

"Your story is quite the booze-filled dive into the depths of depravity. Is this your first children's book?"

I swear, we rode right through the town and my mistress Lady Godiva wasn't wearing a thing...

"My dad was a prize-winning bull too: According to Mum, he won a raffle once at the local fair..."

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

'Tarzan'

'You've had enough!'

"I kid you not, he shot that duck right over the middle of the lake and said 'fetch'! Do you have any idea how cold that water is?!"

'It started off as stories I told my wife.'

Yeah, yeah, yeah - tell my editor the fables are almost done, and she'll have them as soon as

My tail's cold.