Thrift Seekers Pillows

'I thought you wanted a clothes dryer.'

You're getting cheaper, Armstrong. I'm getting more efficient. It's the American way. Businesses have to keep growing profits to satisfy their investors. The innovative entrepreneur finds ways to grow sales while constantly cutting costs. By giving customers used straws. They're broken in.

I'm going to the movies. What witless Hollywood excretion are you wasting your money on? An extremely thrifty one, nana. Really? It's a film based on reuse and recycling. Oh, right. The 13th remake of "Friday the Thirteenth." Is movie blood biodegradable?

Thrift: Smoke stationary cars instead of cigarettes.

'He has no romance. For special occasions, he gives me a coupon for a card and chocolates that will be 50% off the next day.'

"Sergio, I know business has been bad...but I think I know how we can still afford to eat out!"

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

"I just..."

That's supposed to say garage sale!

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

"I'm on a tight budget. Make it look like I cut at myself."

'We grow our food, have solar energy, use bikes instead of car...now if we could only stop buying knickknacks!'

"I need something that says, 'Let's party,' but in a fiscally responsible manner."

Vintage Dresses: Your Frock Exchange

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'

Crap others threw out

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

'It's time for the annual wage review...' (Sign on the wall says 'Remember money isn't everything!')

Buy Back the Junk We Bought at Your Garage Sale

"I think I found the perfect time of year to sell my old clothes!"

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

'It took a six hour operation to remove this fiver from your fist.'

Sale on Three Piece Suits, $10, 300 Polyester.

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

House sale.

Electricity Bills

'There's something satisfying about clearing out the loft and taking it all to a car boot sale to make room for all the rubbish you buy there with the proceeds.'

Thrift: instead of 1 tap for hot water and 1 tap for cold, 1 tap for warm water.

"I only drink on special occasions. Like when some body else is buying."

"There's another one! Pull over!"