Therapy Jokes Mugs

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"The Jacksons will be there in about an hour and I promise you guys an epic fight!"

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"Would it be possible to speak with the personality that pays the bills."

Cut out and keep your own Freud.

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills.'

'Yes, we are going in circles. How do you feel about that?'

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

Mathematician on the couch.

'I have ego issues — at least, I think it's me.'

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

"You do realise that you are not the only client scheduled this morning?"

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

"Nobody loved little William Poopy-Pants."

'I'm becoming predictable.'

'Visualize yourself not falling off the wall.'

'You've got to be more assertive. You can't just say 'Cock-a-doodle-maybe-do.'