Therapy Jokes Fan Prints

'Well - the layman's terminology for your condition is 'nutty as an acorn''

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

"Teach me not to care."

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"You'll never be a full participant in your mental health care if you keep saying wacky things."

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

Sardine psychologist.

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"

"No heroic measures."

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

Can I take your disorder?

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

"The Jacksons will be there in about an hour and I promise you guys an epic fight!"

"Would it be possible to speak with the personality that pays the bills."

Cut out and keep your own Freud.

'Yes, we are going in circles. How do you feel about that?'

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills.'