Therapy Humor Seeker Gifts

"The spear is the least of my problems."

"Nobody loved little William Poopy-Pants."

"So, you feel perfectly normal and completely free of anxiety …. Or is it just a mood swing?"

The five stages of good grief

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

"You're completely screwed up."

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

Computer help.

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

"How long have I had what problem?"

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

A mental-health spot quiz, Al: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single … Google search of travel websites"?

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."