Therapy Humor Collector Pillows

"There are two reasons I'd never tell anyone what you told me today... First, because of the principal of confidentiality and second because it was very boring."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

"There were some squiggly bits left over after the operation, so we gave you a doggie bag."

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

"Teach me not to care."

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

Sardine psychologist.

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

Can I take your disorder?

"No heroic measures."

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"

Cut out and keep your own Freud.