Therapy Curious Gifts

'The therapy is working... I don't use all caps in emails anymore.'

'Can you do something for my teenage son? He's afraid of hard work.'

"Sure I'm Alfred the Great now, but in high school I couldn't get a date."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

Couples' therapy

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

X-ray Psychology.

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

'I hate Mondays.'

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'We have three minutes left.'

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."