Therapists Pillows

"I'm right there in the room, and no one even acknowledges me."

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

"May I remind you that my core worth as a human being remains constant, and isn't tied to external validation."

'I'm an honest person but when I take an online survey, I'm a big liar.'

"It feels like people are always trying to avoid me."

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

An obsession with drugs,delusions of power,paranoid tendencies...still enough about me what can I do for you?

'So how long have you had teenage children?'

'I get better results with a live elephant and an invisible fence.'

I'll bark, and you bark the first thing that comes to mine.'

'I have excellence fatigue.'

Anger management class

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life..."

'And how old were you when your mother first called you a scaredy cat.'

Returning Christmas gifts.

'I don't feel like there is anything to sing about.'

"Look! A dying brain cell! Maybe we should help!...."

'Ignore me, it's just my nut allergy.'

'I think I need a new psychiatrist. The one I have now gave me a mood ring to monitor my progress.'

'The voices in my head are saying that you're overcharging me.'

"You have the right to remain silent – but, it would be helpful to know what you think."

'Basically, it's a ten-step program....'

'I'm scared that there's a fat woman outside of me trying to get in.'

'Maybe the Oboe wasn't the best choice for a hoedown.'

'I won't be coming to see you again. I've purchased a therapeutic mattress.'

'Just because I don't believe in sex before marriage, he was under the impression that I believe in sex after marriage!'

"When I google myself, the only thing that comes up is my arrest record."

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"You're completely screwed up."

Don't Take No For an Answer

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

"I seem to grasp things with my hands and feet but not with my head."

"My name is Phil, and I, too, am Batman."

Low Self Esteem President

"I find myself correcting people a lot lately."