Theme Park Goers Mugs

"Are there sharks in the water?"

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

End the Winter Blues

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

'Miss Carruthers, check and see if we have an extradition treaty with Disneyland.'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

"The lakes are getting more like a theme park."

'I'm sick and tired of your mood swings, Frank!'

Rollercoaster opens when it is still being built.

Tunnel of Like.

"Look—you can't say we don't give them fair warning!"

Tunnel of TV

"Tunnel of love"

The ride with the shortest lines at disneyworld...

Wait – is that your dad? Tunnel of Love.

'...Please stop the...'

Monument in the park for Squirrel Feeder

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

Tunnel of Whale Guts

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

"Hey! I can see the Empire State Building!"

Riding the Rollercoaster.

Children sitting in bumper cars playing on their cellphones.

Tunnel of like.

"Now this is a dog park!"

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

The Big Game Park

Funnel of Love.

"It's more relevant than some of the other theme parks we've been to."

Stock Market Roller-coaster.

Summer Outing Planning

Mine Shaft of Love.

'Tunnel of love, in a cold climate'