Theme Park Fan Gifts

Hall of Impeached Presidents

Jurassic HitlerDanger World

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

Hay Rides $10

"Be sure to check out the rides. They're free, too, with the purchase of tickets."

You must be this tall.

'Miss Carruthers, check and see if we have an extradition treaty with Disneyland.'

"The lakes are getting more like a theme park."

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

Tunnel of TV

Wild Weather Ride - 2005.

"Look—you can't say we don't give them fair warning!"

The ride with the shortest lines at disneyworld...

'Who ever came up with the idea that throwing up is fun?'

Log Ride

Tunnel of Whale Guts

'...Please stop the...'

Los Angeles, 1928: Mickey Mouse Emerges from the Primordial Ooze.

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

Riding the Rollercoaster.

Giraffe Rollercoaster

Children sitting in bumper cars playing on their cellphones.

Man ready to throw water over people in the Tunnel of Love.

Tunnel of like.

Funnel of Love.

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

"Now this is a dog park!"

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

The Big Game Park

"Well, there's never going to be a perfect time to start a family."

Stock Market Roller-coaster.