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Hamlet: An Early Draft

"For the love of God, is there a doctor in the house?"

Angry Joseph in school nativity play says to Innkeeper: 'No, we did not book online.'

Stage Manager: 'Is THERE a BETTER ACTOR in the House?!'

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

'One eye of newt or two?'

Pilates of Penzance.

Cat comes home from holiday to find mice in his house watching play.

'Our house is being staged. Dad says we've got a good shot at getting in - if we can pass the audition.'

"Well Sid, I'll tell you why dogs get all the good parts. Dogs have better agents."

Waiting For Godot And The Cable Guy

"So you think you can cobble!"

Opera Singer Looking Out of Place Sitting On The Bar Piano

"...Theatre is a nexus of symbols...Very important then, in my view, is a scene with buck naked actors.'

Trump! The Musical

Walter The Sea Monster

"But most of all I'd like to thank the zeitgeist."

"The opening night is always a bit special!"

Soprano loses her teeth.

Concert Hall with entrances for mobiles and coughs.

Flop Musicals: Singing in the Crane.

Macbeth: Take Two

You're supposed to simulate it!

Mouse King

'It needs more barrel again, and believe me, I know - I used to be one.'

Theatre Mask

"I said I knew him - I never said I liked him..."

Queen Hermione - Queen Victoria Urged To Stop Mourning and Return to Public Life

Trilby - 'Et maintenant dors, ma mignonne!'

Bernie Winters

'Billy Green you know very well that you stand this end!'

Masquerade

'You're on Keith. Break a Fin!'

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

The village cinema-club was going down a treat with the locals!