The Self-absorbed Sophisticate T-Shirts

'Drink?' - 'No thanks, I'm spending the evening with a bright and witty person, me.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"I can remember when having a '212' phone number still meant something in this world."

"Take my word for it, sir―it looks just great on you!"

'Someone stole my identity, didn't like it and sent it back.'

Psychiatry. I keep thinking the same bad thoughts over and over! An "emotional baggage carousel"!

'Are you having a mid-life crisis?', 'Let's hope so.'

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

"I highly recommend our featured red. With its markup, what waiter wouldn't?"

'I'm on a great career path that never leaves my apartment.'

"When the President said each of us should ask 'What can I do for myself?' - Well, I just hopped in a cab and went right over to Saks."

Two cats, cica 1987

'This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop.'

"All the government wants to do is push our buttons!"

"The computer appears to have matched you up with yourself Mr Narcissus"

Swells discussing thier coats

"How long have you been a compulsive eater of onions?"

"She fell and hit her head! Would it help if I licked myself?"

"Stop bleating, it's all ewe,ewe,ewe!"

'No no, I'm fine. Just indulging in a little bit of mid-afternoon navel gazing.'

'Felton,has it occured to you that you may have taken a talent for self-effacement a bit too far?'

"I'd like to talk more, but my head is so much up my own ass right now!"

'Talking or non talking.'

'He's conscientious about most of his religious duties, but he's slow to fast.'

"I don't mind wandering the hallways for all eternity but all this candy is making me sick."

Oh, I don't have a wife and kids. These are mirrors.

"I probably shouldn't eat the whole thing... it is a pandemic!"

'Such feelings of inadequacy are not unusual in a person of your insignificant.'

"He only became an umpire to hide his bald spot and his big pot!"

"It's made from an endangered species for that one person in a thousand who couldn't care less."

"I can talk about myself for hours on end. If you want to go for more, that's fine..."

"With this film, I finally enter the front ranks of American moviegoers."

"I like our place in the country, but the only dogs I enjoy hanging out with there are also up from the city."

"Ted likes to think he's rather diverting"

Carmen Militia