The Questioning Enthusiast Pillows

"What do you mean I ask too many questions?"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

Do you have any other skills?

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'He will observe your text now...'

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

'Have you got a resume?'

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

I think you should go after my job!

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

X-RAY

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

'What makes you think you know so much?' - 'Your questions.'

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

"So you wouldn't be interrupted while interviewing me, I took the liberty of calling in a bomb threat."

'I'm quite impressed with your bloodthirstiness but we won't be able to offer you health benefits eternally.'

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."