The Bard's Culinary Fan T-Shirts

"Bill just does celebrity cook-books these days, that's where the real money is."

"How can you be out of wings?"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Cooking with Pierre

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

'You caught 'em. You clean 'em.'

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

Toastquest!

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

Road Kill Cafe.

Robotic Prince Hamlet holding a human skull and saying "To be or not to be".

Couple in restaurant, "Sorry it's slow, Chef's got the runs"

'I think the microwave has finally given up the ghost.'

Books in the 'Food Section' of a library have been half eaten.

"Fancy a take-a-way tonight ?"

Romance novel writers make the best waiters. 'Tonight's special is chicken: ample,milky white breasts, touched with a slight hesitation of strong,rigid basil, too headstrong to stay and too scared to stop.'

'Whoever called this job WAITING obviously never did it!'

"The menu simply says 'Fried Fish.' I'm waiting for you to provide the lyrical description."

"Take Away Food" tramp waiting round corner to pounce

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

Fast Food

"The jelly required a soupçon more texture on the custard was on the wrong side of sweet."

"Hmmmm...What am I in the mood for?"

'His snacks and his meals are beginning to OVERLAP!'

'Something's wrong. The hot-cakes aren't selling.'

"Now you've finished your desserts, can I interest you in some chewing gum?"

'Are you sure that's right, only we Sagittarians aren't usually that ambitious.'

'Please help yourselves to the salad bar, folks.'

"What wine would you recommend to go with male chauvinist pork?"