Thanksgiving Skeptic T-Shirts

"God, I hate theme dinners."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'I hate all holidays!'

"'Tis the story of a woeful refugee... ...whose plight has been forgotten. An admirable, amiable sort is he... but boy is he downtrodden. With courage of the kind you rarely see, he defended this land, when Redcoats invaded over land and sea, peck their knees and hands. And how did America repay this debt it owed its forest bird? Did you put our noble visage on the national seal as we would have preferred? No... You ate us. Just like the British did. I really think that it's the least you can do

'As a token of friendship we present to you this sacred albino fawn.' 'We sailed all the way across the Atlantic Ocean, and all you have is light deer?!'

'I put that the pilgrims ate Butterball Turkey, Stove Top Stuffing, and Mrs. Smith's Pie. Think she'll give extra credit for brand names?'

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Plymouth Rock

"It'll never be ready in time."

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

'The environment people only worry about endangered species, not endangered individuals.'

"Fulfilling others on Thanksgiving is pretty good advice, wouldn't you say?"

Beauty and the Baste

Turkey Autopsy

"Never say you're stuffed!"

'Thank you for the turkey, thank you for the dressing, and thank you for the squash, which Mother cleverly refers to as pumpkin pie.'

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

Thanksgiving Feast. Get lots of turkey, but not too much of you'll have to take a pause at the nap box. I'm skipping the cranberries and going for the green beans and the potatoes. I'm at the stuffing now and getting bonus points for extra gravy! Hey! There's a shortcut through the corn, straight to the pumpkin pie! I win! Not so fast. You missed the most important spot where you give thanks for your family and friends. Oh, you're right. It's okay that I didn't win. I'll get you tomor

'Leave it to the school system to turn an enjoyable meal into an historical event.'

A sardine can combined with a cornucopia.

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

Thanksgiving.

A football player catching a turkey

"Don't fall for it! He's just trying to fatten you up for Thanksgiving!"

I used my first draft pick on the turkey leg. It's a proven point-getter! I drafted potatoes. They're not flashy but they are a reliable performer! I'll trade my cranberry sauce for you pie. It's a win-win trade that will benefit us both! No trades -- This pie will score a lot of points for me later! Why are they talking about this wonderful meal like it's fantasy football? It's not a game with winners and losers here. You're absolutely right! Just being here together sharing this meal,

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

Gramps shows the kids HIS favorite stuffed animal.

'Spuds were watery. And where's my damn dessert?'

Lesser Known Historical Figures: The Steno at the First Thanksgiving Dinner.

'Next year we'll bring the turkey.'

'I don't know what happened in there, Stanley... But I've completely lost the urge to eat. I mean it - I feel stuffed! Supposed to come back right before thanksgiving for a follow-up though.'