Thanksgiving Dramatist Pillows

'I know one thing about pilgrims. Their mothers picked out their clothes.'

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

Happy Turkey Day!

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

The Perfect Foil

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

Turkey Autopsy

"Never say you're stuffed!"

'After you with the camouflage.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

Toast with faces popped up from toaster.

"He bought a thermometer for me, and I'm not even sick."

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

"What will change my life?"

"Those giblets are gonna have to come out."

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

"You should join us for Thanksgiving."

'Okay, I'll be nice, but they'd better not stay long.'