Textual Strategist Mugs

Online Dating Tip 1: Don't Get Angry

'I sent out for everything.'

A Hole in the Dike

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Personal conker trainer.

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

Hockey Season.

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

Board Game Hunter

It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother. Why's that? House of Java .Net Cybercafe. Because how a man treats his mother is a good indicator of how he'll treat a girlfriend. That's why I created an app that calls your phone and displays a photo of you hugging your mom whenever a gorgeous lady is within three feet of you. It also displays a nice, sweet lady whenever you're within three feet of your mom.

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

Tic-tac-toe

Target your message

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

"Why won't you cuddle?"

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

"Works every time."

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

Two monks play tic-tac-toe with calligraphy-style 'x's and 'o's.

'Hold on, Pepe!... The score is tied with less than a minute to go - and the losing team gets boiled.'

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

'Play any other position besides Monday morning quarterback?'

Tetris Rejects

Existential Risk

'This may be an old computer, but it won the March Madness office pool again and wants the money deposited in its Swiss bank account.'

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

Helicopter dropping golf balls onto a green.

'It would never work, Tommy - you have all the growth funds and mine are all value...'

Mergers or acquisitions.

Rugby - Interesting line-out tactics.

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'