Textual Sleuth Pillows

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

'What an execrable day. I got drenched in a Wiki leak and buried in a document dump.'

'You've been killing files again.'

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

'I've forgotten the author and title - do you read minds?'

"Grammar-police, sir, we have some questions about your online posts and the inappropriate use of apostrophes."

"It's the Grammar Police! Have you been using 'your' when you should be using 'you're' again?"

Man reading a book in the library. Notices a man next to him reading all book about spying.

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

"Any truth to the rumor that your book is ghost-written?"

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

I CAME. I FOLLOWED. I COMMENTED. I SHARED.

"I write these in my manager's handwriting, so no one will hate me."

Whodunits

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

"And God said, 'Let there be light.'" "CFL, incandescent or LED?"

"It's got my current Wordle winning streak on it."

I just spend all day inventing the conjunction! And?

"I once mistakenly thought I was dating someone for a whole month because I couldn't tell his texts were sarcastic."

"Don't mind me. I'm just nosy."

"Quit worrying about corroborating your sources - it's not as if anyone's going to take all this literally."

'And always remember that it is the gritty colon itself, not the half-baked semi-colon, that wields the power to confound even the most erudite minds.'

Library sections - Music, Art ... Crime (missing) History..

You're right, Jenkins, the numbers don't lie. Get me some that do.

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'I see you have some blended content. Some of it's tue, some of it's false.'

Conflicting Reports