Texter Extraordinaire T-Shirts

'Type the following as fast as you can!'

The Bawl & Text Bar.

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

The Card Flinger

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."

After her laser surgery, Alice was able to read barcodes without an optical scanner.

Hanley Fabric Co., Polly-Esther

"I love holiday shopping, but with all the scams this time of year I must be careful."

"Whoa. Jeff. You snagged your sweater."

Paisley isn't either the new plaid!

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

"I didn't even know they could knit!"

Men and Women's changing rooms

"I see you've got a new cheese counter."

Caravan Club shop is selling Hold-Ups.

'There's someone here I'd like you to meet. He's very well-connected.'

"I'm having my annual reunion with Polartec, Thinsulate, fleece, and my oldest friend, wool."

'That's the material I want for our new lounge curtains.'

The old colonel wished he was in the land of cotton.

"Wow, you're right, Alpaca Wool is very nice against the skin..."

'Mom and Dad, like when did you first text that you loved each other?'

'It's the latest weave - comes off in the hand.'

Animal Crackers. Free-range animal crackers.

It's a new miracle fabric, of course.

Wooly mammoth

"I just sent a penny to your bank account for your thoughts."

"It's 25% cotton and 75% made in China"

Bias Tape

'The wool is virgin - it's none of your damn business about the sheep!'

Suppliers of fine pin-stripe

"O.K., now can you make like a million little tiny ones?"

"Eighty percent polyester."

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'