Television With Captions Pillows

'You know, it's kind of nice turning off the sound, turning on closed caption, and listening to piano music.'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"Caption contest"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Presenter Auditions.

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Pundits

'I'm a voice over artist.'

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

Join the protest march, I'm lonely.

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

'The Chinese are using their currency as a weapon!' - 'Yeah - they have an ATM bomb!'

'And now, an NBS News Special Investigative Report: Why doesn't President Obama get the respect and support he deserves?'

"I just think it would be a better painting if there were a short, humorous caption underneath."

"Since he retired, he fills his days complaining about 'woke' television."

Virtual chicken crossing the road.

'Hmm, you might have something there...I've never considered putting funny captions on them!'

'Is the fire included?'

"...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."

'That's the end of the news - (B****RD MEN!!)'

"Tonight's big story... we're leaving you... it's not you, it's us..."

"Coming up on political gymnastics, the next candidate will try a triple reverse flip flop..."

Presidential Pardons of the Rich and Famous.

"... So it turns out that all we were doing was meddling with a delicate ecosystem."

'Once again, you were right only fifty percent of the time. Have you considered a career as a TV weatherman?'

"I'm not sure if this is a pantomime or one of those political debates. . ."

The Pope admiring the Sistine Chapel: 'It needs a caption.'

'In a gesture of bipartisanship, the grand bargain was put on the table along with an assortment of cookies, fruit, canapes, pigs in blankets, and other horderves.'

"If you don't want to know the score..."

"Watching people argue about the world situation night after night makes me feel like I'm doing something about it."