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Safe Sex

'I must be getting old - I can never remember who he is supposed to be!'

'What TV dinner goes best with a sitcom?'

'I'll sure be glad when somebody invents cable!'

Man uses 'Hot News' as a barbecue.

"Is it really an important message from your sponsor, or just another damn commercial?!"

"Gracie is watching a TV show on pioneering women just so I can't watch the game."

'Who has the remote?'

'Intelligent creatures bedamned - look at the rubbish they're watching!'

'We interrupt this network to bring you some other network....'

Take a break, read a book.

Welcome to SNOOZE Television.

Evolution

"What are we cannibals?"

Frank Skinner.

Reserved Parking

God with Earth Controller

Trial by Media

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

"Do you know any other songs besides the theme to The Andy Griffin Show?"

"I find that hugely offensive!"

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

'Someday TVs will be in big boxes on the floor.'

TV jester.

TV-Man

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

Big screen TV.