Television Binger Prints

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

Overnight Programming

'That Energizer Bunny has gone too far this time! -- interrupting a pantyhose commercial!'

'Here's a film we've only seen five times this year!'

New study: Brain Fat.

'Did I doze off for a couple of years? Since when did cupcakes become a big deal?'

"Hey - THAT's a good trick!"

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

'There's nothing on.'

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

Star Wars Audience

'Now that's Real TV!'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

"Aye, 'tis the elusive Moby Dick!"

'He ordered those 'natural male enhancements',and now he watches football all the time!'

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

“We thought it was so smart getting the phone out of the bottle, but then it went right for the clickbait.”

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

'Wow! These advancements in TV make the news even more frightening.'

Wordplay: Me.

"This is why the doc said to not binge-watch the Eating Channel!"

"It's 100% commercials."

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

'I wish I'd never seen Lost, now.'

"I never said I liked this show...I'm only enjoying it because you hate it."

A man watching t.v. with his skull hinged open to reveal the same man watching the same t.v. . . .

'Thanks for tuning in - we'll try to pander to you.'

English People With Servants Having Problems - On Demand

"I don't believe the "Smart TV" is the one always turning to women's beach volleyball."

"Dinner will be ready soon, I hear the pizza truck rounding the corner."

Will Smith's Oscar

"I'm just saying, if you had to turn off the TV, would you still remember how?"

'This unexpectedly concludes tonight's program -- the sponsor bailed out.'