Telethon Season Pillows

"I told him he was allowed one phone call. He's making a pledge to Channel 13."

Bowled over again!

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

American Idle.

TV-Man

Check your universal remote control at the door.

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

Hi, sweetie! How was the talent show? Did they enjoy your Clay Aiken tribute?

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

Binge Watch

"Let's finish off our night of being productive by starting another season."

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

"Your blood sugar levels are off the chart! Just how many Hallmark Christmas movies did you watch?"

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

"Oh, goody. More reality-based crap."

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

Starvation Watching

"This is his fifteenth successive Olympics."

"Celebrating Labor Day assumes you've labored at least one day during the previous year."

Birthday To-Do List

John Stride

'The theater better put on good shows this fall, because we're having a bumper tomato crop.'

Inactive wear store.

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"Another CSI spinoff? What's this one called?"

"Let's see what's going on in the world."

"Shouldn't you be studying?

'So, what's it gonna be? Are we gonna watch a good cop show tonight, or a bad cop show?'