Telemarketer Escapist T-Shirts

'I need time to consider your fabulous offer - Give me your number and I'll call you back tomorrow night at dinner.'

'Where would you recommend for a tech-free experience.'

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

Anywhere but here

Stress Prison - The fictional jail you imagine being sent to so you can catch up with Netflix and reading.

"It's a robocall, should I take it?"

"Even though I'm a robot with robot with no emotions, all these telemarketing calls I'm getting is starting to get on my nerves."

'If you wish to be put on hold, press one...'

"Please hold...for music while you wait..."

I'm afraid we only accept manuscripts through an agent, except spy novels, which we only accept through a double agent.

'How's the executive training program, going?'

"Someone wants to talk to you about your jeep's extended warranty."

'Please... take... a... moment... to... complete... our... brief... survey... to... help... improve... customer... satisfaction... '

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

"It's like I'm in space with a headache."

'I've got to go, Alice, you know how the boss frowns on personal calls.'

"Car insurance?? - No thanks!"

Vending machine says: 'No telemarketers will call' 50c.

"I only wish this was the final notice."

"No one whose name is pronounced that way lives here."

A people-meter family out enjoying the calm night breezes while claiming to be inside enjoying a rerun of 'Falcon Crest.'"

'Maybe you're a 'man on a deserted island' cliche because you want to be a man on a deserted island cliche.'

"To be honest I thought Hades would be Hellfire, Brimstone and eternal suffering....but this is way worse!!"

'There's nothing on TV. Let's read... I can't believe I said that.'

"Hi this is Mario...is this Sergio Bermudez? Are you interested in buying..."

Turn off the tv! Blasphemy. I have Extreme Partisanship Syndrome. I can't hear about politics. I get too riled up. It could kill me. No more Fox, or MSNBC, or even the networks. Fine, but there are other options. Can't this kill me too? Just the mind. Tonight on Biggest Loser: Jog eating.

'Grandma takes our telemarketer calls.'

"Your call may be monitored to give us all a laugh..."

"One morning I looked up from my phone and saw a very bright light surrounded by blue with white fluffy stuff floating around..."

'Oh wow, it's all so beautiful.'

"Please go to voicemail...please go to voice...Oh Hi...so glad I caught you!"

Virtual reality

We now return you to reality, which is already in progress.

The search continues for weapons of mass distraction.

"Must resist...phone allure...of bilingual telemarketers!"