Teenager First Date Gifts

"This is not what I meant when I said 'let's chill'."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Romance

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

"When you say that love is in the air, you're referring to the smells from the food trucks, right?"

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

Why we need poetry. . .

Carbon Dating.

An historic event in Candyland: When M met M

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"First date hairball... awkward."

Frank was certain his Bird of Paradise mating dance would press all the right buttons with Margaret.

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

Romance

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"She's just being Koi."

Dating is so expensive...

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

Asking out a palm reader.

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

"Deep-dish pizza calls for deep-glass beer."

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

'Harvey, did you notice what a beautiful full moon we have tonight?'

Big Data Tonight