Teen Nephew Pillows

"Sure, Dad, I'll get right on my homework. Soon as I email Stacy, Oh, and I have to text Julie, Sara, and Toni. Oh, and I have to post today's pictures on my blog, and. . ."

'Vocabulary doesn't seem that hard 'til you start trying to use it on girls.'

"Maybe you need some kind of app to make it work."

"Don't think of it as being grounded. Think of it as suffering the consequences of your monumental stupidity."

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Thirty

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

Dad DJing son's 18th birthday.

'I don't care if all your friends are doing it. Your piercings are really starting to freak out your mom and me.'

'At least hanging around street corners reminds us we're at a crossroads in our lives.'

'I'm not lazy - just resting before I get tired...'

'My parents think I never listen.'

"Okay lets go. You can message your friends after dinner."

"This is the time of year we should get everything we want!"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Young Frankenstein"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

Robot Parts $5

Joey discovers the difference between coffee beans and jelly beans.

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I told you to go outside and play."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

Skipping Horse

I should be a writer when I grow up...

Remote control pirate bully

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'