Technophobe's Guide T-Shirts

"I'm old! I thought it was the television!"

Grandma's caf

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

High speed cinder block

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

"Hey! Get back here!"

"Tarzan no want computer."

Pensioners and Phones

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

"Nurse, hitting the top and yelling 'work, you piece of crap!' doesn't even help with computers. It helps even less with patients."

"In my experience, there's nothing good at the end of a trail like this."

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

"I promise that this will be the last time that Daddy will ask you to help him post his resume online."

Great Moments in Chess

'...one kilobyte of idiot.'

"OK Zoomer!"

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

"Can you give me your Christmas list on a regular sheet of paper? I don't know how to open the word document you emailed me."

"I'm meeting with Thor for drinks. He doesn't zoom.

'The main thing I like about this place is the complete absence of technology.'

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

'Dad's not getting the hang of the new technology, is he?'

'The Comedy of Computer Errors.'

'Looks good on paper. Let's scan it in and see how it looks on the screen.'

Grandpa Billy never did understand how you can listen to music using ear spuds.

"I think it's time my grandpa upgraded his keyboard."

"No cell phone, no e-mails... boy, I've never felt so free1"

"Stop! You're painting over all my passwords."

'I don't have e-mail or fax, not even a computer...if you haven't already guessed, I'm still living in the typewriter age.'

"Technology moving too fast."

"Your 'Luddite Fund' is up 20% this year, but its Yelp reviews are very negative."