Techie Soothsayer Pillows

"With Crystal Protect, we'll monitor your crystal ball to prevent the hack and theft of your clients' fortunes."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

Pie Filling Reader

"I'm going on a retreat."

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'So...worked in 'IT' long?'

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

First O.M.G. church.

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

Holy phone

I predict a huge fall followed by a lucrative job offer with a major cake baking company.

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist pump."

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

You Have 1 New Messages

Protesting man's sign reveals that his credit has run out.

"I'm on Facebook, dear. Do we want to friend this revolution?"

End of world nigh!!!

"And the weird shall inherit the Earth, for their ways are difficult for A.I. algorithms to figure out."

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

The Circle.

Fortune teller using a computer rather than traditional methods

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

"Any kind of election is getting harder to call these days. . ."

"I'm having trouble in computer class, Sir. Please send tech support."

'Well you know the old saying... if you can't beat 'em you can always google someone who can.'

'I can see much grief, suffering and misfortune ahead - and you'll always be dogged by extremely bad luck - but, the good news is you're going to live to a very old age!'

Palm Top Readings

"@FBarnes12 favorited a prophecy you were mentioned in."

European Stock Analyst