Tech Stocks Pillows

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

The day the stock market went UP.

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

'I think I know what the problem is!'

WiFi Signals

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Slipping and sliding down the slope...

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"Isn't there an app for this?"

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

Second lifeReal life.

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

Twitter censorship

"My mom's restricting my phone. She says I don't have enough Selfie Control."

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

"The results are impressive, but it'll be decades before we can transmit and receive pornography."

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

"Our initial public offering, .... The public has gotten wind of it!"

'To satisfy our stockholders, we'll draw stars to see which of us will be hung in effigy.'

'Those are my twins: NASDAQ and Dow. They were born at the height of the dot.com boom.'

City Redundancies - In? Out?