Tech-savvy Diabetic Prints

"Is this a trick question?"

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"No, I'm not able to transplant your computer's antivirus software into your body. Try washing your hands more often."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"There was a system failure that caused a brief crash, but fortunately I was able to reboot."

"I wanted crisps but this assessed my body mass index and gave me an apple ..."

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

"Take two aspirin and text me in the morning."

'I'm sorry, we no longer accept cash for transactions.'

'That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I'll ask my computer.'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

Telephone consultations worked but maybe TEXT consultations were a step too far...Does anyone recognise 'fngx stre pink' as a symptom?.

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

'Must be another of Obama's healthcare cost cutting.'

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

A doctor checks on a patient hooked up to a complicated-looking machine.

"Nice try, but I'm not counting these as your steps. I know you're jst sitting down, eating junk food and stomping your feet on the floor."

"Are my test results in yet?" "Yes, you can see them on my website!"

'The Electronic Health Records software works very well. I entered the patient's medications, vitals, and allergies. The software calculated the course of treatment, projected outcome, and anticipate insurance reimbursement.'

"Ok, so now we know that turning it off and back on again, doesn't work for life support machines."

"Alright, let's Google those symptoms and see what we come up with."

'Brain surgery app.'

"Well, if you followed me on twitter, you'd already know your diagnosis."

'Turn the camera off! Turn off the web cam!'