Tech Realist Pillows

"I've got bad news: The captain has assured us that we're not being replaced by automation, and that we have job security."

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

World Production.

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

'I just happened to be in the right place at the right time to make CEO.'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

'Remember Jones, your organs are worth more to us than your intellectual property.'

"Well, you could wish for a new kitchen and a bathroom renovation; or alternatively you could just wish for a less idle husband."

"Now that's power."

'They had a sale on electric green.'

'What do you mean the FDA is going to start regulating the use of eyes of Newts?'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Didn't we have a door over there?"

"who knows, Perkins maybe one day in the far future we'll be bullying each other in addictive artificial environments..."

'And these are just some of the changes of the future that our chaps in R&D have come up with.'

"Wanting to view it after taxes will cost you another wish."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"Fourteen months ago, I started with H20. I just ended with H20."

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be taken out of context and put on Twitter and then it'll be a whole thing."

Blood is thicker than water. Oil is thicker yet.

The Ungooglable Man