Team Rival Jokesters Mugs

'My husband wants to know if the sonogram can tell if the baby is a Red Sox or Yankees fan.'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Raised by Dogs

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"Honey! What's wrong. . . Mommy get you a band-aid!"

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

'Tax man practical joker sticks sign on colleague's back which reads; Tax me.'

There's a toxic cloud moving in our direction! Hurry! Teddy's home from sports camp. Ha. Ha. Ha.

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

'A boy? Come on, Mom, you can do better than that!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

"Turns out it was all water weight."

That's no largemouth bass, son - You caught yourself a rare blabbermouth bass. I'm nothin'! A nobody! Throw me back and I'll show you where the really big fish are!

'Pull over, it's a text-message from the baby, she needs to be changed!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

Remember, when we show mommy, we pretend this was your idea, ok?

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'