Team Lead Pillows

Employee performance review software.

'Does that include our hidden agendas when they asked everyone to re-prioritize?'

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

"We stir the brew all morning, Marissa comes in whenever..."

Team Spirit Day: "Excuse me... I get a little choked up when I talk about our team."

"My evaluation is based on peeking through the blinds."

"So...anyone not sure they can cope with this?"

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

"I'm taking a mental health day so I can cope with working here!"

"Look boss! One of the staff greets you as you suggested in your "be friends with your colleagues" memo!"

"Delegation is an important attribute of being a leader, but not if you're delegating the leadership!"

"We are fully staffed at the moment, one person to do the work, one to report on the work and three to monitor and review the reports on the work."

"Ed, your lack of procrastination is causing some morale problems with the rest of the staff."

"Judging by where I've been transferred to, I think my boss is still unhappy with me for opening that attachment and infecting all the computers with a virus."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Where your mind & battle are los

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Staff support"

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"