Team Captain Material T-Shirts

'He's here to see you about a basketball scholarship.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

Where your mind & battle are los

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Staff support"

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

Others will fight for you

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Football Fans

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."