Teacher Friend Pillows

'I'm sorry Mrs. Jackson, but when you've become as excellent of a teacher as you are, you've forfeited your right to retire.'

'Who would've thought Ms. Kent was following our tweets?'

'Splendid new laptop, Miss Frimley! How on earth did you raise the funds?'

'I want you to text message 100 times, 'I will not text message in class.''

"My mom is an English teacher and she says Santa's elves are subordinate clauses."

'This part was tenure.'

Error! Lesson Plan has no Aim!

'I'm afraid Miss Johnson has lost control of her class!'

We'll now take a minute for silent meditation.

'I need five weekly lesson plan books. Not only do I tend to overplan, but I feel more comfortable with contingency plans.'

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

Spring To Do List: Teach, Testing, Testing,Test Some More. . .

"Isn't it great? I found little 'Classroom Mode' switches behind their ears."

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

'A hidden cost of implementing common core standards in education...'

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

'In the whole history of colonialism, who established the most colonies?'

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

'The board couldn't come up with a 'Plan-A'.'

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

"Our new math book not only remediates, diagnoses, analyzes,and tests, it also contains fifty quick and delicious recipes for today's on-the-go teacher!"

"I've never heard of a PE teacher giving football homework."

For days when students are simply out of control, teachers at Callaway Junior High are equipped with ejection seats and parachutes.

"There's the bell for respite. . . I mean, recess."

"I asked the parents to get involved more and now they're home-schooling."

Welcome to summer school.

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

Teacher with 'Use Your Head' leaflet thinking 'I Quit!'

Teacher's Pet

"If you upgrade this to an 'A' I think I can get you an extra $10,000."

A Lesson in Leadership: Misplacing your keys isn't a problem, unless you have to enlist the whole school's support to find them.

"If they add one more mandatory standardized test... we'll have to lengthen the school year!"