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'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

'Not only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't find the middle class.'

'We do spend a lot and tax a lot, but it's the price you pay for living in a money-based economy.'

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

'I'd like the short form instead...'

'Sir, there's a taxpayer who knows his rights, to see you.'

'Don't worry. he always does that right before he raises taxes.'

"Your tax return reads like one of your novels."

"It's what we agreed. I'd do the tax avoidance you'd do the tax evasion."

"The I.R.S. can't hurt him anymore."

Tax grab.

'One day, son, all this willy be yours...only by then it will have grown and grown...to hundreds of billions...it's called the cost of PFI.'

"Now are you convinced that the tax simplification plan will work?"

"Can they tell I cheated on my taxes?"

'Are you sure it's necessary to sign this part declaring 'all information is true and correct to the best of my knowledge'?.'

"Do you mind if we do this without the violins?"

Tax haven.

Just remember, don't claim for lunch unless I was with you.

'I've been paying taxes for 63 years, and I still don't have the hang of it.'

'Hey! Roll a mile in my shoes!'

"Is your glass half full with windfall profits, or half empty with a capital gains problem?"

Having shut early for Christmas, Mr Small decided to get back to work early to check the answering machine.

"Sire, the auditors are in the counting house."

"Careful...she bites."

He keeps us humble.

Clerk in tax office filing between fact and fiction.

Dangerous tax audits.

'Your refund? — oh, we spent that money MONTHS ago!'