Tax Tales Gifts

"It's a nice story, Mr. Fergus, but why do you always write in the passive voice?" "I suppose because I've been a taxpayer all my life."

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

'He's trying to persuade the Inland Revenue that it's a tax haven.'

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

I.R.S.: 'All's fair in love & taxes'.

'I'm not experienced, but I have a PhD in Byzantine history.'

'Then he smiled and his very last words were 'Now the inland revenue will never find out!''

'It only made sense for us to finally merge.'

'Professor Blaupunkt's research, funded by the I.R.S., is to find any signs of taxes on other planets.'

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

'One day, son, all this willy be yours...only by then it will have grown and grown...to hundreds of billions...it's called the cost of PFI.'

'Since our stadium was built with taxpayer support, I regret to inform you that all incentive and signing bonuses must be returned.'

"Your tax return reads like one of your novels."

'This is great fiction! My cousin, an agent in Hollywood, may be able to sell book and movie rights.'

'The hair-raising twists and turns, the mystery, numbing assault on the mind...THAT'S why I love tax law!'

"He's ready for you now. Don't forget to ask for the job at the end of the interview."

'It's true

'You won't have me as a deduction anymore.'

"Have I met my deductible yet?"

"I've never objected to paying tax... as long as it's other people paying."

Having shut early for Christmas, Mr Small decided to get back to work early to check the answering machine.

"Nine lives is great, but the inheritance tax is what kills you."

"When you said meet me at your workplace, I assumed you had an office!"

'I can't play -- I'm being audited.'

"We take a very dim view of these kind of tax evasion tactics, Mr. Jones!"

'Ethelred - What we're offering is the chance to consolidate all your Danegeld payments into one manageable lump sum.'

'Trick or treat?'

"I'm a surrogate birth mother for hire. How do I claim my income?"

'C'mon in! I LOVE storytime!'

Tax Loopty Loopholes

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth."

Zero rated for VAT.