Target Practice Humorist Gifts

'Nice arrows, mate.'

"He's not going to shoot back, is he?"

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

Big Hank's shooting gallery.

"This town ain't big enough for the proposed outlet shopping mall at Millet Creek Pass."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

"You're completely screwed up."

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Looks like your rock cakes are a big hit this year, dear...."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Computer help.

"How long have I had what problem?"

"We've met our target on a 25% uplift in sales but that still leaves us 100% bankrupt."

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

"My brother is always trying to one-up me. As soon as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder he said he had tripolar disorder."

"You'll never be a full participant in your mental health care if you keep saying wacky things."

Woman on psychiatrists couch talking to statue in art museum.

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."

Unsmiley face at the psychiatrist...

Dog in therapy.

I think I have a gilt complex.