Target Practice Humorist Gifts

"He's not going to shoot back, is he?"

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Big Hank's shooting gallery.

"This town ain't big enough for the proposed outlet shopping mall at Millet Creek Pass."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

"You're completely screwed up."

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Looks like your rock cakes are a big hit this year, dear...."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"How long have I had what problem?"

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"We've met our target on a 25% uplift in sales but that still leaves us 100% bankrupt."

Computer help.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

Unsmiley face at the psychiatrist...

"My brother is always trying to one-up me. As soon as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder he said he had tripolar disorder."

Woman on psychiatrists couch talking to statue in art museum.

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

I think I have a gilt complex.

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."

"You'll never be a full participant in your mental health care if you keep saying wacky things."

Dog in therapy.