Talking Pet Lover Gifts

"I'm sorry I ever taught him to speak"

'I demand a second opinion!'

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"Ever eat a bird?"

'Iguana know what time it is.'

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"Another slander suit!"

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

"I started out eating homework. Now I shred documents."

'I must admit that I've come a long way since I first heard the word speak!...'

Performance anxiety lessons, the more you practice something.

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

"Yes, he does speak, but only on condition of anonymity."

'Woof, woof, woof - but I'm paraphrasing.'

"Yeah, I tried beaver once too, but I didn't like the woody after-taste..."

Prince longed for the good old days when dogs were dogs.

Throw another hedgehog on the fire, would you pet?

"Have you ever asked yourself why people call you bad dog?"

'If provoked - his remarks can be scathing.'

"I'm for universal coverage but not for cats."

'I know, I know. You're stripes. I get it, already.'

"Sure, you can talk the talk, but can you swim the swim?"

Dog dictionary/Dog Alphabet.

"How come you never get the kind of granola with the chocolate chips in it?"

"I'm sure he does bring you your slippers and your morning paper, but that still doesn't make him a service dog."

"At the time of the incident, I was employed in the Dunbar house as a pet."

'Awk! Look - someone with a bigger beak than mine. . . awk!'

To maximize energy efficiency, Elwood's owners install a doggie window instead of a doggie door.

'Now, we can't guarantee that this kind of brain surgery will change his disposition.'

"Then Marc from our creative team tells the client to 'like it or lump it' – can you believe that?!"

"And so she's all, 'woof'. And I'm like, 'woof?'"

'He's supposed to be an animal rights supporter but he'll talk the hind legs off a donkey!'

'I can forgive you, Nichole - but I can never forget.'

Man's Best Friend: Love and Food

'My advice is keep away from it. You start with catnip and before you know it, you're on heroin.'