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Simon Cowell

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

May all your birthday wishes come true..

Hollywood producer.

"These songbirds every morning at five A.M. would be really annoying if they weren't so damn talented."

Child star Fatty Deposits humiliates Zippy, The Wonderdog, on the set of their latest movie, 'Too Cute For Comfort'....

TV stage door

"Hmmm... what would Scooby Doo?"

'Sheep striptease'.

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

Peter Gabriel

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

'You look and sound like a real pro.'

"We started with fetch and heel, but we've moved on to impasto and chiaroscuro."

The Ox Factor

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

Banana striptease...

'Thank you! This next song I wrote to prove that we accountants DO know how to be 'cool'.'

I am a bass/baritone/tenor.

Simon Cowell

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'You call that carol singing?'

Cole Porter

"She's good because she is our bookkeeper."

Eh... yes Mister eh... Genghis. Can I just ask where did you get your boots?

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

'Each one of you will to sing your job creation and tax plans. . . the 'American Idle' will vote for 'the American President'.'

'I'm gifted but I hide it well.'

Jonny B Goode fails his first audition "You know, you play that guitar just like you're ringing a bell! Trouble is we need someone who plays like they're playing a guitar!"

'Aha! You are addicted to American Idol. You have the voting numbers on speed dial.'

AD 763. Hopeful entrants in the first Easter Island Idol competition.

"I didn’t know you could play."