Tail-wagging Economist Pillows

'Once they noticed your tail wagging, they stopped upping their offer.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

Cats may love you, but dogs go all the way.

Dog lover

'It's normal, don't worry, people on the street just love patting puppies...'

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

'No JAMIE,you're NOT keeping any strays! Now GET rid of him and go wash up for dinner!...' / 'Sorry kiddo,i tried...'

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

"It's exhausting trying to keep him from throwing away perfectly good sticks."

"You've already been for a walk."

'Max and I have a give and take relationship. He sniffs my butt...and I let him.'

Should I bark? Flow chart for dogs

Good boy

'No need to shout.'

K9 Authors.

"Wag your tail just once when I come home. You miserable dog!"

'Don't get me wrong, the professional dog-walker is nice, but it is not really the same as if my Master was walking me...'

Cruel Pet Tricks

'What's all this pet's rights stuff addressed to you?'

Economic

"You're the on who said we couldn't afford to send him to obedience classes!"

"I didn't have much of a life before Corky, so he was a rescue."

'The mirror doesn't lie.' 'Thank goodness.'

"No, I'm not faking it, I'm really happy when they come home."

"I say you're spoiling that dog."

'I'm teaching him to give me a doggie treat when I stay perfectly still...'

'Don't worry... Buster's always digging-up something or other!'

"We should get together sometime and pee on things."

"Absolutely perfect! How did you know?"

Doggy Peer Pressure

'He hasn't got a tail, so he wags everything.'