Tail-wagging Economist Pillows

'Once they noticed your tail wagging, they stopped upping their offer.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

Cats may love you, but dogs go all the way.

Dog lover

'It's normal, don't worry, people on the street just love patting puppies...'

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'No JAMIE,you're NOT keeping any strays! Now GET rid of him and go wash up for dinner!...' / 'Sorry kiddo,i tried...'

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

"You've already been for a walk."

Should I bark? Flow chart for dogs

Good boy

'No need to shout.'

K9 Authors.

"Wag your tail just once when I come home. You miserable dog!"

'Don't get me wrong, the professional dog-walker is nice, but it is not really the same as if my Master was walking me...'

'What's all this pet's rights stuff addressed to you?'

Cruel Pet Tricks

Economic

"You're the on who said we couldn't afford to send him to obedience classes!"

'The mirror doesn't lie.' 'Thank goodness.'

"I didn't have much of a life before Corky, so he was a rescue."

"No, I'm not faking it, I'm really happy when they come home."

"I say you're spoiling that dog."

"Absolutely perfect! How did you know?"

'Don't worry... Buster's always digging-up something or other!'

'I'm teaching him to give me a doggie treat when I stay perfectly still...'

"We should get together sometime and pee on things."

Doggy Peer Pressure

'He hasn't got a tail, so he wags everything.'

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.