Tactic Thinker Pillows

"You created a robot to do your homework for you? Apparently, laziness is the mother of invention."

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

You Are Here - Uncle Sam's Exit Strategy

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"I hope I get rock and you get scissors, or I get scissors and you get paper, or I get paper and you get rock."

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

Football.

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

“What if I tell you the card you are thinking of is … the Jack of Hearts ?”

"That was a rumor day."

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

Commando crashes into wall, instead of through window.

The Use of Cavalry

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

"I feel used."

"But it would be rude to raise taxes on my friends."

"Once inside, the pawns will jump out and take them by surprise."

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

Introverted Chair

'Of course you're not a failure... you can afford my fees can't you?'

"This isn't a bad time to be out of touch with reality."

ISIS needle in a haystack.

"I know marriage is a partnership, but I didn't realise I'd be the silent partner."

Trojan Chess