Tabloid Trawler Prints

"The following report contains some flash celebrities."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

You know how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are known as "Kimye," and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are known as "Branjelina"? I think we should combine "Lance" and "Gloria" into either "Lania" or "Glance." What do you think? I think I won't be needing a menu now, as I'll be busy gagging.

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

"This is no time for fightin', princess, there's a war on!"

JET (Part I)

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

"And what self respecting tabloid do you think is going to buy photos of Little Foot?"

Fake News - Tabloid News - State-run News - Free Press

Weditorials

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

The Original Gossip Columns

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

'Inflated gloom!'

"We'd love to stay longer, but we have to go. Give this to the tabloid press. It explains everything!"

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

How very Independent!

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

Comparing the headlines of three different New York based newspapers.

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

"You know our 'Never-Overwhelm-The-Reader' policy. Your story is irrelevant, trivial and stupid but not irrelevant, trivial and stupid enough."

Newscorp hacks into itself.

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'

'Oh great, now, not only am I cursed, but my photo is on the front page of the tabloids...'

Sally Jessy Raphael

"Quick - make something up, I've got a space to fill."

A caveman offers another a copy of, 'The Ug Issue'.

"Ralph said he'd give up cigars if I gave up Prince Charles and Di."

Topless Newsreader - "Just for the first few weeks love, until we've captured the audience."

'So you've won a few races: I still don't think you need worry about the paparazzi!'

"Dang, Jennifer Lopez is, like, on her 93rd boyfriend! At this rate...she'll get to me in 13.3 years!"

If you buy that magazine, the paparazzi win. Celebrity Couples.