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Trial by Media

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

Cleaner cleaning under the feet of the dancers as they perform

"No Hand Sanitiser"

JET (Part I)

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

Pie chart of pub conversations

The Original Gossip Columns

'Inflated gloom!'

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

Leisure Editor

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

There's been a misundertanding-we're advertising for GAGSTERS!'

Frankie and Annette.

'Would you believe, all this is just part of a new reality show?'

'Oh great, now, not only am I cursed, but my photo is on the front page of the tabloids...'

Man to other: 'You don't really know what it's like until you've walked a mile in another man's scandal.'

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'

The corona ranger

"Quick - make something up, I've got a space to fill."