Synagogue Member T-Shirts

Skullcap Area and Hard Hat Area.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Minyan Man! You've saved the day again!'

"We missed you at church Sunday."

Monk Prompt

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

Midwest Winter Items.

Veterans Day US

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

Gates of heaven

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

Church Restoration Fund.

God's Law.

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

'Nobody's leaving till I get the offering plate back!'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

5. Install all equipment carefully. 6. Never increase the weight load of any exercise machine when you are by yourself.

"Can we discuss this?"

"Forgive me Father, I'm about to sin."

1. Wealthy people will consider hiring others to do their exercise for them. They should not give in to this temptation, as studies have shown that this seriously slows down any truly serious body-building campaign. 2. The key word in isometrics is balance. Be sure every part of your body shares in the fun equally and you will be able to avoid awkward developments.

'We finally nailed down where our congregation's priorities lie!'

'Page 37 in your hymnals and selection #15 on your iPods.'

'So, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the financial report is approved.'

'I thought about leaving once, but I couldn't quit the habit.'

Please wait to be seated (by electric chair).

Growing Churches

"Hey, man, you didn't have to mention me by name."

'I think I see why attendance has been down.'

"Of course I would love to host a spa day for all pastor's wives."

No, Reverend, the church does not pay time and a half if you work on a Sunday.

"You weren't kidding, those are just tiny pictures of your grandkids!"

'Well of course I believed, but I never really thought it was true.'

"Sure. Call me anytime. Call me for breakfast, call me for lunch, call me for dinner, call me...."