Sympathy Sharer Gifts

'For goodness sake, do it properly! Use your EYES! It's all about the EYES!!'

"Now you know how I feel!"

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Lumberjack and tree share a smile.

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

"His life was hanging by a thread, and then somebody fed him the bean burrito."

Hot flashes

Sling

Get Well cards. They're constantly coming up with new get well cards, but nothing sells as well as the one that makes it clear the sender had the same thing and worse.

"It has a nice soft shoulder. You said you needed one to cry on, didn't you?"

'But who comforts the comfort food? I'll tell you who: NOBODY.'

Trickle down...

"I'm sorry your head hurts, sweetie - is there anything I can do to make you shut up about it?"

Sympathy Cards

"You know, Dave, with just a little more sharing on your part, I'm sure we could make my problems our problems."

Type A Flu.

'You are 14st 3lb..But then, you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.'

Valentine's Day

"They say they want me to be happy, but they keep shoving math and art and reading at me."

Cards

"He doesn't understand that I have certain needs I have to talk about all day long."

Migrant Families Separation

"I need a card that's heavy on caring but light on commitment."

"Sorry... we're a juice bar now."

'I'm sorry, but we did all we could to try and save your husband, Mrs. Doornail.'

"His knee is very painful for me to keep hearing about."

"No really, I was born this way."

Animal cemetary with a grieving dog.

'Your heart is bigger than the average human heart. That's because you're an animal rights activist.'

'I'm a failure as a manager and a husband.' - 'At least you're an excellent customer.'

"He eats whatever he wants and never gains weight? Well, that's grounds for divorce right there!"

"I'm so sorry, I'm afraid he flew too near the candle"

Sympathy cards: Death - Divorce - Entitlements got cut.