Sword Savants Pillows

"But now it won't stay in mint condition."

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Warrior Woman

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

"I'm just saying, maybe we wouldn't need the swords if we didn't wear these clothes."

Decapitated coffee.

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

Pub Kendo.

A portrait comes alive and stabs its artist

'Very impressive, but is there anything you can't do?'

An incident from the Eglinton Tournament, scene 2.

Swords for Making America Great Again

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

"Sir George! How did it go with your jousting competition at the Renaissance Fair?"

Scheduel.

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

"Hasn't this been the best first hundred days ever?"

Fencing Lessons

Battle.

I told you rust would set in if you went out in this weather.

Lord Chandler's personal problems had spread to the battlefield.

'I'll need the large blade on this lawyer...I'm performing a radical crapendectomy.'

'That's no lady - she hasn't even shaved her armpits.'

Man sharpening giant pencil with his sword

Fun at the Office: Touché Break.

'Ready...and.....Rattle!'

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.

"Have you given any more thought to my idea of using a sword?"

"Heh, I've left a pin on his seat."

'Ever try beating a ploughshare into a sword?'

'The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with!'