Sweetener Swiper Mugs

'I was arrested for stealing too many artificial sweetener packets from restaurants.'

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

Menu Dating

Another day in the Splenda mines

Running Latte

How would Madam like to pay?

"In obedience school, I was voted 'Most likely to chew a slipper'."

"Hey—no cheating!"

'Does your phone have a scanner thingy? I've got a barcode on my butt if you want my number.'

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

Amateurs de vin...

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

Big smart phone and small tablet.

'When I get the clumsies, switch me to a sippy-cup.'

A woman with a laptop

"I tried sparkling once, but it just gave me a headache."

Happy 18th Birthday champagne

"I'm in the mood to swipe left on everything."

Stirrbucks

Tunnel of Swiping Right

"Do you recall how my eHarmony profile said I love to hike? Well, I lied."

'You know, I always buy supermarket cava rather than fancy Champagne, and I challenge anyone to tell the difference.'

"Bring on the cold weather - my credit card is already dangerously over-heated."

"How was my internet date? Put it this way, I went online hoping for broadband; I got dial-up."

'At that speed, you should put racing stripes on your glass.'

Mom's on Tinder

"I want to know if you have nightcare. I work graveyard."